Land of the Lustrous has gone from strength to strength over its run. From the utterly captivating premise and aesthetics to the highly distinct and entertaining personalities in all the gems, it demands your attention from the very beginning. But it’s the sheer emotional complexity of Phosphophyllite that’s the star of the show – their fantastical, naïve dreams of joining the fights against the Lunarians stands as a stark rejection of their physical limitations, with a profoundly lazy attitude and a personality that refuses to accept any responsibility for their actions or goals, ultimately leading them to relative isolation as nobody really trusts or respects them. Despite how deeply flawed Phos is, they’re still sympathetic because of how painfully relatable they are. God knows I see too much of myself in them.
When Phos messes up, they can – at best – cause a huge headache for everyone involved, or – at worst – seriously endanger others. Phos doesn’t want that, not at all. Phos isn’t malicious. But they are lazy, they do shirk responsibility, they do deflect blame, and, unsurprisingly, that does breed resentment in others. But Phos doesn’t want that either. And because Phos isn’t entirely lacking in self-awareness, Phos wants to change. They want to be useful, they want to be powerful, they want to be respected. But they can’t make the changes required to get there, instead falling back on unhealthy, damaging habits time and again, because Phos simply doesn’t have the mental or emotional capability to make those changes.
Because Phos is depressed and full of self-loathing.
Their characterisation makes so much sense from this perspective – or at least does if you’ve been in that headspace before. And it explains everything Phos does afterwards. When they get consumed by the giant snail sent by the Lunarians, they barely resist or protest as they get digested – instead only feeling regret at breaking their promise with Cinnabar. After being recovered, they go out to sea with Wentricosus, despite being ordered not to and fully aware of how dangerous it is – and the high probability of not making it back. But they do it anyway, because from their perspective they won’t be missed – neither useful nor well-liked, why would any of the others care if they disappear? In a sense, this almost becomes reality as Phos is betrayed and offered up to the Lunarians – and Phos’ reaction is, frankly, terrifying. Any fear disappears quickly and acceptance takes its place, especially once they learn that they’re being offered as a trade for Wentricosus’ enslaved brother Aculeasis. Phos ends up feeling that if their sacrifice benefits others in some way, no matter how small, then maybe ending their life is worth it. That’s how little Phos values themself. That’s how little regard they have for their own life. It’s horrible.
Of course, Phos survives through sheer chance, albeit with the loss of their legs, and gets brought back to the island – where it turns out everyone has been sick with worry, desperately searching for Phos. That’s the terrible thing about depression – your perception of your place, your value in the world is hugely distorted. Phos felt like nobody would care if they were gone, but it couldn’t be further from the truth – everyone was frustrated with Phos, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care for them. They’re family after all, of a sort.
Phos thankfully gets some new legs using shards of Aculeasis’ shell, but its inherently imperfect – the gems are functionally immortal as long as they can be pieced back together, but the Inclusions distributed throughout their bodies that give them life also hold their memories, meaning that to lose a part of your body is to lose a part of yourself. Those parts of Phos will not be regained. Nonetheless, they get their new legs and something miraculous happens – Phos is now incredibly fast! They can finally be of help to everyone in a real, tangible way!
This leads to Phos learning an awful lesson – if they want to improve, they must destroy themself first, and discard parts of who they are. Phos’ self-destructive tendencies now have a justification. When a Lunarian attack while paired with the Amethyst twins almost leads to the twins’ capture, Phos is distraught over their own inaction and blames themself over it – despite the twins stating that it was their own mistake, and nothing to do with Phos. Phos has now learned a second lesson – they have not improved enough. Phos’ self-destructive tendencies now have a motivation.
This all comes to a head in what is the most chilling, uncomfortable and quietly painful scene in anime this year.
The winter has come, and all the gems would normally sleep it out, leaving the normally liquid Antarctite to handle the cold, dark season alone. However – perhaps because of their changes, perhaps because of their guilt – Phos decides to stay awake and help Antarctite. It’s an experience – Phos initially goes at it with some gusto, striving to learn how to wield a blade despite their weakness, but ultimately falls back to old habits and lazes around, leaving the work to Antarctite. Despite how speedy Phos is now thanks to their new legs, they simply don’t have the strength to break the floes – the main winter duty. Said floes are interesting – being minerals just like them, the floes have the capacity to ‘speak’ – albeit in a non-sentient way that is limited to reflecting the thoughts and feelings of the gems near them – and have the instinctual desire to crush and consume the gems, making it horribly dangerous if you fall in the water.
Phos, failing to help Antarctite due to their physical limitations, is desperate for a way forward. In a moment of irrationality, Phos considers removing their arms. Kneeling on the ice, they bring their saw-tooth blade to their arms, getting closer and closer… before they snap back to reality and realise what they’re doing. Then the floes react.
The floes ‘speak’ to Phos. They ‘say’ for Phos to put their arms in the water, and let them be severed. Only once Phos has discarded that part of themselves and had their arms rebuilt using other materials will they have the strength they desire. Phos rejects this – they’ve been told that there isn’t enough left of the shell to replace any other parts of their body, and that there are no other suitable materials. But the floes persist. Phos, sitting in front of a hole in the ice, is tempted – deeply tempted – to go down that path of self-destruction once again.
The parallels to self-harm are profound. Fuck it, they aren’t parallels – this is an unflinching depiction of self-harm through and through. The floes make explicit the thought cycles that underpin self-harm, the action made available to Phos a suitable substitute to cutting or burning for a being such as themself, and the presentation of their bare, pure forearms eliminates all doubt.
Suicide and depression are far from uncommon topics in fiction, and I can personally highlight many anime that revolve around them, but self-harm is far, far rarer. Land of the Lustrous is the only anime I know to broach it, and it does so elegantly and powerfully. It wouldn’t be so believable were it not for the path Phos’ character ended up on, and wouldn’t be so difficult to watch if Phos hadn’t been so sympathetic in their struggles. To watch Phos in that moment is to watch someone in deep depression tempted to take an illogical, self-destructive action, and to know just why they would struggle to resist.
Fortunately, Phos is able to come to their senses and resist that awful temptation, as unlike with cutting the impracticalities of Phos’ predicament are too tremendous to shake. But then Phos slips.
And then their arms are gone anyway.
Somehow, it gets worse for Phos. Antarctite saves Phos from complete destruction, even putting themself into a mortally dangerous situation to try and recover Phos’ arms, but it’s no use. They can’t be found. With no suitable materials in the school, they go to the cliff where the gems are ‘born’ to see if there’s anything there that might work. Finding gold and platinum, Antarctite fashions a makeshift prosthetic for Phos, remarking that maybe the Inclusions will take to it. Then Phos becomes consumed. Trapped in a cage, the Lunarians appear take Anarctite by surprise. Phos has to watch, useless as ever, as Antarctite sacrifices themself to protect Phos.
Phos, angry and traumatised, manages to gain some semblance of control over the gold now incorporating itself with their body, and desperately tries to rescue Antarctite. And fails. And, worst of all, on later reflection Phos realises that had they done something differently – stretching their golden arm instead of throwing their blade – they may have been able to reach Antarctite.
Riddled with survivor’s guilt and traumatized by the sight of Antarctite shattering before their eyes, Phos takes up the winter watch. Phos is much stronger now that they’ve got the golden arms, although the heaviness has reduced their speed back to normal. Phos is also much more responsible, focused and willing to take the initiative, but this comes not from a positive change in personality. The energy that Phos once carried has largely gone; in its place remorse and sadness take root. Phos can’t even sleep, haunted by visions of Antarctite’s end every time they close their eyes, and so instead pushes and drives themself further. They’re throwing themself into their newfound role to – at least in some small way – apologise to Antarctite. In a sense, this is a continuation of Phos’ self-destruction – instead of physically breaking down their body, it’s now Phos’ personality and emotional state, as they deny themselves rest and happiness out of a belief that they don’t deserve them. Certainly, the self-hatred and lack of concern for their own well-being continues – observe the casual, uncaring way Phos reacts to almost getting hit repeatedly by Lunarian arrows in this new state.
So radically has Phos now destroyed themself that by the time the rest of the gems wake up they barely recognise them. But when seeing Phos in action, they are hugely impressed! Finally, Phos receives the respect they’ve always craved. Finally, they’re useful to everybody else. But it’s all so hollow, coming off the back of Antarctite’s sacrifice – so despite achieving their dream, Phos has not and will not find happiness. But they have learned a third lesson – through everything that has happened, through all the loss and trauma, Phos is now strong.
Phos’ self-destructive tendencies have now been validated.
I’m scared to see where this leads.
I was complete with you until the second to last line haha. I get your point, but to me it seems that Phos at this point has gained enough self-awareness and enough of an ability to reflect that they recognize, in some way. the futility of their own self-destructiveness and its effects. Phos may be strong, but they take no pleasure in their strength because of the loss of Antarc. In other words, the self-destruction that resulted in “strength” is something Phos understands, in my interpretation of Phos’s headscape, as something futile. The reason Phos chose not to cut off their arms voluntarily is ultimately validated.
At least, that’s how I read where Phos is currently! Like I said, I’m really on board with your post just until that one line, and it’s a super interesting read! Cool stuff.
Thanks for the kind words! I think we may see Phos’ character arc differently – I suspect you see them as having gone through the worst already and now beginning to truly grow, whereas I see them as not having hit rock bottom yet and being en route to it. Phos may have learned the futility of self-destruction, but I don’t see them as having learned to value themself yet – there’s too much guilt over Antarctite’s destruction.
I feel like there’s going to be a moment in the future where that nihilist attitude takes over and they almost completely ‘die’ in an act of massively reckless disregard for their own safety – Phos’ reaction to the arrows they nearly get hit by *after* the timeskip are kinda what I mean, but take that and make it worse in an emotionally driven moment (perhaps when all their guilt about Antarctite comes to a head?). That’s the kind of self-destructive act I see – not a wilful one like the temptation to destroy their arms, but an unconscious one driven by apathy towards their own well-being.
Hopefully that makes sense and isn’t just repeating myself from the post!
[…] higher than most other blogs. There are some posts I’m really quite proud of (the last few 12 Days posts in particular), there are posts which were forced out, and then there was the […]
[…] higher than most other blogs. There are some posts I’m really quite proud of (the lastfew 12 Days posts in particular), there are posts which were forced out, and then there was the […]